Dealing with breakup is not as easy most people think. Most times people do not know the next step to take after splitting with a significant other and they tend to lean on people who wouldn’t give them good advice which will eventually push them to make silly mistakes.
Relationship therapists have listed out types of mistakes people make after a horrible split because they simply can’t break away from their exes.
Casey Gueren of Women’s Health Mag, lists four biggest mistake people make after a split
Mistake #1: You demand closure “A huge mistake women make is reaching out to an ex to try to get validation and closure,” says Sussman. First of all, you have no idea how they’ll react to seeing or hearing from you. If your ex wants nothing to do with you or has already moved on, you might end up feeling worse than you already do, says Sussman. And while she admits that some of her clients have gotten constructive feedback from an ex, they often still don’t feel satisfied. “It’s like an addiction, like your brain is withdrawing from a drug, and you can feel very obsessive at this time,” says Sussman. Another reason to cut ties is to give yourself—and your mind—time to heal. The more you’re talking to or seeing him, the more your brain is engaging with your ex, says Sussman. The bottom line: It’s worth the trouble to delete him from your phone, Facebook, Instagram, etc.
Mistake #2: You try to go it alone You may be single, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with the breakup on your own. Letting your friends, family, and even a few close co-workers know what you’re going through can be a huge help, says Sussman. Just make sure you’re not venting to everyone who will listen, or you’ll burn through friends fast, she warns. The key is choosing people who will also tell you when you’re being too obsessive or doing something destructive.
Mistake #3: You blame your ex—for everything Sure, it feels great to call your ex a few expletives and list every cringe-inducing quality that you definitely won’t miss. But even when all your friends are chiming in to say “I never liked him,” it’s crucial to take your fair share of the blame. “In order to really recover from a breakup in a healthy way, you have to understand what part you played in it, even if it was a small part,” says Sussman. So even if your ex was a cheating commitment-phobe, consider why you stayed with him or if there were any red flags you ignored so you can learn from your mistakes.
Mistake #4: You try to work through it too much It may seem like a cop-out, but a little distraction is totally healthy during a breakup. “I want people to process their breakup, but you don’t need to be in that state of processing 24/7,” says Sussman. For the other times when you’re tempted to call your ex or check his Facebook, do something that takes a ton of focus or energy—like yoga or volunteering. They’ll take your mind off the temptation. Bonus: Both activities have been proven to boost your mood.